“I don’t feel anxious to share my story to people anymore.”

Former West London bus driver Ian Tighe had his life turned upside down following the London bombings 7 July 2005. Since that day, Ian has worked hard to overcome many mental health challenges that were exacerbated due to what he witnessed.

Now an Expert by Experience at Team BSMHFT, Ian, 57, shares his story that is one of hope to many people out there, particularly those who often suppress their emotions. This is Ian’s story.

“I cannot describe to you the chaos and trauma that the public and I went through following the 2005 attacks. Everything about that event was the catalyst that sparked the decline in my mental health and changed my life forever. In a matter of months, I had lost my job, my partner, my home and shortly after I was sectioned for the first time at West Middlesex Psychiatric Hospital.

Prior to being sectioned, I didn’t know that I was becoming unwell but looking back I was in so much need of support. To numb the pain of how I was feeling, I turned to street drugs and became really unwell. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and after being discharged, I later left London to live in Birmingham, a place that I now call home.

I grew up in the late 60’s where, particularly in my household, we didn’t really talk about mental health. I’d summarise my childhood as very anxious, I was never taught to believe it was okay to share how I was feeling emotionally, I feared reprisal, and I grew into a man not really understanding how to navigate my stress.

In 2008 I received support from BSMHFT following a relapse in my mental health, where I became an inpatient at Oleaster, a Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit located in Edgbaston. It was at Oleaster where I met the wonderful Dr Brownell who has been a consistent source of support for the past 16 years of my life. I also received a formal diagnosis of bipolar disorder and was educated on how to manage my symptoms better. I am now at peace with my diagnosis, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

It’s no secret that a lot of men struggle with their mental health. Rather than the ‘butterflies’ I often call anxiety ‘bats in your stomach’. It’s an unpleasant, evil feeling and the only way to overcome it is to seek help. It’s out there if you need it.

With the help of therapy, I now have an internal voice in my head that runs a bit like an antivirus software in a computer – it keeps telling me ‘You can do this, you can do this’. It’s easy to catastrophise things, but nine times out of ten, it all works out okay. I don’t feel anxious to share my story to people anymore.

I am so resilient now, there’s nothing that phases me.

Today, I take my medication regularly such as antipsychotics to calm my brain down and help me to sleep. Medication is nothing to be ashamed of or fear. A lot of people I speak to in my role as an EbE, particularly men, worry about the side effects of drugs impacting metabolism or erectile dysfunction – speak to your care provider who can go through all possible outcomes.

One message I’d like to leave people with is this. If you’ve got that continuous looming feeling that won’t go away or you’re turning to dangerous habits to suppress a feeling – it’s not normal. Don’t ignore it, speak to your friends, your family, share what you are feeling inside and take time out for you. The alternative of living with poor mental health is a miserable one.”

We are so incredibly grateful to Ian for sharing his story. If you can relate to his story and need mental health support, there are many support services out there that can help you.